oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
