Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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