So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
