spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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