Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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