Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
