And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize