All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
