It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize