somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
