I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
