we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
