Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
