She said her name was "party"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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