Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
