no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
