remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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