u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
