he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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