have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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