I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
