Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
