the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
