i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
