dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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