i just google imaged poop.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize