I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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