Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
This gyro tastes like lonliness
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
