i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I came so hard my ears popped.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
