I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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