You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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