Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
