she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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