i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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