dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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