she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
