Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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