I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
