VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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