Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
