I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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