i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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