i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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