Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
