hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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