i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize