This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
