maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
