i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Ladies don't puke and tell
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
