I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize