Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
