No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
