just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
