guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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