I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
