I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
