I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Is her dick bigger than yours?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
