I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Hippo gnu deer
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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