Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
