It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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