Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I love you. Go after that dick
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
