So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
