Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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