sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
