You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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