This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I have already put on my inside pants.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
