That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
