So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
