There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
