Where are you?
In a non slutty way
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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