zippers are such a cool invention
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
